Dani's one and only emo blog.

Sad today.
Whats on my mind? 'Why Does It Always Rain On Me' is playing softly and sadly through my speakers and filling my mind with memories past. I read Cailyn's blog and it made me feel like writing about this today.
I look back through pictures that I have recently discovered on my brother's laptop. I notice how i have grown taller (score!) and how long my hair has gotten. I can vividly remember how i felt at those moments. So much as changed.

The pictures of my last dance recital really choke me up. The actual photographs aren't really what matter. It’s the moment in time that is represented in them. They aren't sad pictures at all. In fact, I think I look best when I'm on stage. But I see something else. I remember the shadow that would cling to me for all too long. Many of you know the story. When my I developed chondromalacia in my knees, my emotional and physical health spiraled dizzyingly downward. Days of sadness turned into months of unrest; I was forced to stop the one thing that defined me. I gained tons of weight because of the shredding feeling in my kneecaps whenever i moved. All the passion in the world seemed to leave my heart. The pain in my body turned into a pain in my heart. Everything I loved was ripped away and I didn't understand why. I was sad, low on hope, and angry at so many things. My inner world was at war.

Now, looking back into my own sad face from about a year later, the feeling is bittersweet. Because, although I can feel the ache of what was happening then, now, and what will continue for the rest of my life, there is a stronger sense of something triumphant and new. I walked through the shadow, but I did not set up camp there. Life now is so vivid and bright and possible, open ended and beautiful like empty, blank pages. Time still urges us forward. And although my knees are in constant pain and I still can't dance. I find life and love in new things. Such as teaching children what i loved most and seeing the joy in their faces, just as my teacher had seen it in mine.
I am not handicapped, I am not held back, I am free and I have risen and my gusto is back to stay :D. No one can take who I am away from me.

yo.

So, blogging. awesome.
I think starting a blog will help me realize how lame my life is. So far, is working.

Anyways, Hopefully this won't be totally stupid. I can generally tell when I'm going to blog because I'll narrarate my life in really lame, sort-of-funny-but-not-really-ways. I'm actually quite hilarious in my own mind... :). Especially while making uncalled wise cracks about the small commodities of my daily life. It’s as if I'm hosting a second-rate comedy club in my head. Maybe this will satisfy my urge to be a stand up comedian. Then we can do away with that dream...

“Look. Just go write it all down, already. And get off the stage.”

So, at the advice of my manager, I do. (I am.)

On Friday, some of the newspaper staff and I went to UGA for this conference thing. I was so nervous I almost convinced my self not to go. My uncanny aversion to getting lost in big places was the devil on my shoulder saying that i would randomly fall down a well at the campus and never bee seen or heard again. But the angel on my right shoulder told me that i wouldn't fall down wells and could possibly have a freakin' awesome time. Of course, the angel was right.

I even found a new friend! (extremely rare for me...). Finally, someone who shares my love of coffee and greeting cards. Jessie and i spent about an hour looking at every single greeting card in University of Georgia's book store. Two of the most memorable include a card that said something along the lines of, "When I say we should go on a long walk, you know I mean going to sit down and get coffee... possibly muffins" and " If you got bit by a snake I wouldn't suck the venom out of the bite, but if you spilled coffee on your off-white sweater, I would suck the coffee out." Notice how both include coffee :D

The day was filled with a spectrum of useful classes, hooray for the music reviewing and editorials class,to rather pointless classes *cough* creative arts *cough*, and a really informative asian tour guide. Definitely on my top field trips ever!

Almost anything is good with peach-lemon tea.

What else shall I say?

My dog is sitting by my feet in earnest pursuit of my attentions. Ew, and now licking.
Do not be fooled. He wants food more than my love, I think.

Hm. Things I Have Decided That I Do Not Love:

1) Wearing band-aids on my fingers. This obstructs nearly every function of comfortable everyday life. Cooking, typing, hand-washing, and swimming are all most uncomfortable. Texting is downright laborious.

2) Cold, dry weather- The weather is turning cold early this year and i wish it would stay warm so I could hold on to the last thing that reminds me of Evan.

3) Oversleeping. I should get up earlier.

4) The perspiring of my extremities. Sweaty hands are the worst.

5) When kids pee in the pool- God, help these children. I will pray for them.

Anyway, I could probably keep going. But I want you to keep coming back for more reading. So I’ll stop now.